Wild Young Hamburger

Radio, March 2013

As a wild young hamburger, I dated a different burger each night, but deep down, I was never satisfied with any.

I realized it one day as I watched my latest fling, a quarter-pounder named Patty, sun herself under the heat lamps.

Suddenly, I saw through the grease on her face, beyond the lettuce that hid her real shape and past the bright red tomato she wore so seductively.

The real Patty was just filler between two buns!

I left her then and there knowing my life as a hamburger would never be the same.

But the very next day my world turned upside down.

I met an Arby’s roast beef sandwich! So trim and lean; now there was Grade A Beef!

My heart ached, yet I knew she was out of my league, for I was still just a little hamburger.

But then she looked at me, came over and gave me a big juicy kiss! Instantly my burger shape was transformed into a Philly Beef-n-Swiss. I was overjoyed!

We married soon after, and made our home at Arby’s, where we live to this day!